Can someone call Charlie Brooker?
Live. Laugh. Fart-walk.
Hello Trumpet,
Who doesn’t want to live a better life?
This week, I thought I’d share three research-backed ways to become your best self – by which I mean: calmer, more social, and less gut-troubled:
Lean into your inner granny: Turns out soothing pastimes like knitting, baking, and general pottering are good for mindfulness, social connection and creativity. (Presumably cardigans are optional, but why wouldn’t you?) Grab your circular needles and start every sentence with “back in my day…” and you’ll be golden.
Swear like a sailor: Swearing, it turns out, is fucking good for you. Research suggests ‘curse words’ (see, i’m grannying it up already) can boost pain tolerance, improve resilience, and help us bond.
Embrace the fart walk. Yep, you heard me. A fart walk is exactly what it sounds like - a quick post-meal stroll that helps you digest, stops you from bloating, and might even lower your risk of certain illnesses. Just make sure no one is behind you.
Parp!
Curiosity clippings
Socks and the (Vatican) city
You know you’re truly through the looking glass when the latest trend is inspired by a new pope. Yep, Pope Leo XIV is our next summer fashion icon, sporting pure silk mid-calf socks available in red, purple, black and white crafted and made by Gammarellis, a tailors that has been “dressing clergymen for centuries”. Ecclesi-TASTIC.
Spotted dicks
Oh, you thought the Bayeux Tapestry was just a 230-foot medieval masterpiece, did you? IDIOT – it’s actually a parade of penises. And not a small number either; according to Oxford professor George Garnett, there are 93 in total (88 on horses, five on men), though tapestry scholar Christopher Monk believes that one has been missed, and a suspicious dangle beneath a soldier’s tunic may push the count to 94. Garnett believes the “gold orb that is the pommel’s brass cap” (TMI, George!) just signifies another scabbard. Aren’t you glad the possessors of the world’s finest minds are putting em to good use??
Deadbot or not?
Sometimes it’s as though no-one’s ever watched Black Mirror. Come, wade deeper with me into the ethical quagmire and meet the ‘deadbots’, AI simulations that ‘write’ and ‘speak’ like your deceased loved ones based on their digital footprints. This Aeon essay explores whether they’re more "theatre than therapy”, asking if this is ‘a brilliant idea or a terrible one’. On the fence? Ask yourself how you’d feel about Big Tech renting you a simulacrum of your Dad for £9.99 a month.
The question on nobody’s everybody’s lips…
Can you actually die of laughter?
Turns out, laughter can kill, according to Popular Mechanics. There are a handful of unfortunate souls throughout history who literally laughed themselves to death, at everything from donkeys eating figs (Ancient Greece) to British sitcoms (an episode about a spoof martial art that used black puddings as weapons).
Science calls it ‘gelastic syncope’ when laughing too hard can overstimulate the vagus nerve, triggering fainting, lowered blood pressure, asthma or heart issues. My advice? Stand next to Jimmy Carr – you should be in no danger then.
Word of the week
QUANKED
/Kwank’d/ [English; obsolete]:
Overcome by fatigue, e.g. “I’ve been counting penises all afternoon, and am absolutely quanked!”
And finally…
That was the Goodies 'Ecky Thump' episode. Unfortunately, I remember it being on the telly.
Parp!