Gosh dang motherfudging sugar show
Hello dolly,
Welcome to what I’m dubbing the ‘unofficial headf*** issue’. That’s right, this week’s stories – from maths to grammar to penguin’s mouths – contain some stuff that might mess with your head.
My mind is already a bit messy today, but that’s because I had too much Picpoul last night. (Yes, Picpoul. I can still be a bit wanky, even when I’m drinking like a sailor.)
As a result, I’ll keep this intro short and sweet. Like your image of a penguin used to be…
Be prepared and stay hydrated,
Let’s dabble!
Weapon of math destruction
Here’s a horrible question for you on a Friday afternoon: what exactly is maths? Is it invented, or discovered? Are mathematical truths something we can learn about through observation and experiment, or do they exist in “a non-physical realm of unchanging perfection; a realm that exists outside of space and time”? (I did warn you, pal.) If you want to find out more, try this. If you’d rather think about maths as a subject that made you want to cry into your homework diary, I won’t blame you.
Cold comfort
As the brief stint of warm weather becomes a distant memory, I thought you’d appreciate knowing that being cold could actually be good for you. That’s right, babes – some researchers believe that adapting to alternating hot and cold weather (as opposed to living in constant temps stabilised by heating or air con) may have helped our metabolic rates. So get your knickers in the freezer and repeat after me: “the cold never bothered me anyway…”
Green great dragons can’t exist
Grammar nerds, allow me to clutch you to my linguistics-loving bosom. This one’s for you. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that English grammar (and spelling) is full of slightly nutso rules, many of which we are not even conscious of. For example, did you know that there are 8-10 different types of adjectives? And if you had to use one of each in a sentence you would instinctively list them in a very specific order? I KNOW. Consider your ‘lovely little old rectangular green French silver whittling’ world rocked.
Black…magic??
When a black hole disappears, what happens to all the information stored inside? If it remains present in the universe, this means it must ‘leak out’ in some way. If it disappears entirely, it goes against, well, physics. This is what’s known as the blackhole paradox. No, I don’t fully get it either (though blackhole paradox is a cracking band name), but if I have to have the phrase “a spiderweb of wormholes” in my head, then so do you, my friend.
Ready-to-swear
If any of the previous stories have you saying, “What the fuck?” then I have some good news: swearing has useful benefits. Yep, swearing – as well as getting you a clip round the earhole from your grandma – has been shown to improve solidarity, successfully convey emotion and even demonstrate politeness. Fucking told you, Granny.
And finally
Brace yourself…