Our monarch did what to a carrot?
Sausages, mushrooms and holding it in for 25 hours
Bonjour mon petit chou-fleur,
What a week! I have:
…discovered that there is a rose named after Nye Bevan. I mean… Audrey Hepburn? Makes sense. Princess Diana? Almost too obvious. But the father of the National Health Service?? Turns out it was created in honour of him and the people of the NHS… so what could be more fitting than a flower that's quintessentially English and surviving despite years of ill treatment?? 🥁 #LABOURed
…been trying to create a ‘Second Brain’ – have you heard that term?! It’s new to me. It’s basically a productivity system so you can store more stuff externally, and less stuff in your poor tired head. There’s probably a comment to be made about modern life, capitalism and digital overlords here, but my brain is too tired for any of that.
…written a really long article about ‘tall ships’. And no, they're not just ‘really big boats’. Look it up, thicko, and stop embarrassing yourself.
😘
Curiosity clippings
Out on the wily, windy moors…
If you like a bit of A-list controversy and/or literary geek-fapping, Emerald Fennell’s production of Wuthering Heights has been an absolute treasure trove, from the miscasting of Heathcliff as a white dude to concerns that she might ‘Saltburn-ify’ the story (as far as I can recall, there are no prominent bathtubs in the Emily Bronte classic).
The latest can of petrol to be lobbed on the flames is the design of Cathy’s wedding dress, which is not only white but also decades out style-wise. For shame.
Here, an English Literature lecturer explains that the issue is not the colour – apparently women DID wear white in the 18th century - but the “problematic silhouette”. It’s all about the lack of a tiered polonaise, apparently, where an overskirt is pulled up into swags to reveal an underskirt or petticoat. This is nerdery at its finest, and I’m here for it.
A success spore-y
Poor fungal spores – they’ve had a rough PR ride since The Last of Us. But they are now getting chance to redeem themselves – by saving plant life instead of, you know, turning humans into murderous puppets.
Fungi and plants have been in a committed long-term relationship for a while – 500 million years, give or take. Microscopic mycorrhizal fungi help most plants absorb water and nutrients, fend off harmful pathogens, and survive drought.
But thanks to humankind’s talent for shitting up ecosystems, some rare or threatened plant species needs a little more help – so good old conservationists are now cultivating and reintroducing native fungi to boost their resilience. Romance, but make it hyphae.
How unapPEELing
Of all the headlines I expected to see this week, this was not on my bingo card.
Apparently His Royal Highness wowed guests at a Windsor Castle reception – which recognised those involved in community music across the UK – by knocking out a tune on a recorder made from an actual carrot. His fellow musicians in the London Vegetable Orchestra were said to have “lifted their swedes and turnips in appreciation”. They’re so relatable these days, aren’t they??
I honestly don’t know what’s worse: watching our king toot saucily on a vegetable, or having to see his famous sausage fingers back at work.
The question on nobody’s everybody’s lips…
How do you talk for 25 hours?
Look at me, getting all ‘topical’. After Senator Cory Brooker’s speech the other day - which lasted a cool 25 hours and 5 minutes — there’s been lots of speculation of how he physically did it (including if it’s dangerous not to pee for that long - I didn’t lead with that as I didn’t want you to think wee is all I write about).
According to the experts, the key elements to a successful almost-filibuster seem to be stuff like resting and hydrating your vocal chords in advance.
But a large part of Brooker’s success seems to be sheer bloodymindedness — apparently as well as protesting against Trump’s presidency, he (the first African-American U.S. senator from New Jersey) also wanted to beat the previous record held by Strom Thurmond, who spent 24 hours and 18 minutes protesting the passing of the 1957 Civil Rights Act. Brooker said:
"[It] just really irked me… that the longest speech, on our great Senate floor, was someone who was trying to stop people like me from being in the Senate.”
Someone name a rose after him, at the very least.
Word of the week
GOYA
/go-ya/ [Urdu]:
An untranslatable word for the moment when storytelling is so vivid, it temporarily becomes real.
This is my new excuse for getting distracted watching Friday Night Dinner on repeat rather than descaling the kettle.
And finally…
