Somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you
Blood popcorn, sneezes, and a new nickname for Elon Musk
Hello bébé,
What made you sign up for the Pocket Polymath? Is it because you’re a nerd? Is it because you’re naturally curious? Is it because you birthed me (hi, Mum!), or is it simply because you’re sick of reading about nothing else but Adolescence and the current geopolitical shitshow?
I started PP because I am naturally curious. I also wanted to become smarter: as I’ve said before, I’m cross I’m not a genius – intelligence was very highly prized in my family – and ‘polymath’ seems like the next best thing to aim for.
More than that, though, I wanted to ‘have fun learning some shit’. I get a crazy surge of joy when I discover a ridiculous new Finnish word, or find out that a fish has a see-through head, or learn that a German wartime magazine is attracting new readers (if the line, “My father [the founder] was like Anne Frank meets Tupac with delusions of Stephen Colbert” doesn’t pique your interest, you’re dead inside).
I suppose I’m talking about a love of learning for its own sake.
So I’m hoping that’s why – at least in part – that you’re here. And that’s why shortly you’ll be discovering why doorways are terrible for your memory, what a nauseating Aztec version of Face/Off has to do with your fave cinema snack, and why drunken guests pissing in your flower beds may not be as bad as you thought.
Feel free to hit reply and tell me why you subscribed – but otherwise, get stuck in.
And beware the ducks of course.
Something mysterious and important?
Now we’re getting into the swing of this weekly roundup, you need to stay sharp – so here are 11 proven ways to boost your memory. These include clenching your fist, chewing gum, and – science’s answer to everything! - gentle exercise. My personal favourite? ‘Use crazy fonts’. TrY iT aNd rEpORt bAcK.
Intriguingly (especially for anyone who, like me, has fallen down the Severance rabbit hole), one of the tips is to ‘not walk through a doorway’, as this makes us more likely to forget things. At least you can pretend your memory is being “spatially dictated” until Season 3 makes an appearance.
Children of the corn😭
If you’re eating any kind of sliced meat, you may want to put it down.
At the risk of ruining your enjoyment of the cinema, nay LIFE, it turns out that popcorn has a pretty bloody history, once being linked to human sacrifice and cannibalism. This was particularly prevalent in Aztec culture, where rituals were performed to honour their rain god, Tláloc, and ensure a bountiful corn harvest.
This BBC article quotes a description of these rituals by a sixteenth-century missionary and ethnographer: “A number of young women danced… a popcorn dance. As thick as tassels of maize were their popcorn garlands. And these they placed upon their heads.”
What this article fails to mention (it is aimed at kids) is that a couple of these jovial young women would also lose said heads. And as if being offered as sacrifices wasn’t rough enough, the high priest then flayed them, putting on the skin of one as a suit, and wearing the face of the other as a mask. And you thought Catholic priests were shitbags.
The piss of life
Got a jar of wee fermenting on your windowsill? You have that look about you.
Turns out that ‘aged human urine’ can be a jolly effective pesticide. Farmers in Niger have discovered that plots treated with sun-matured pee had over 20 times less insect infestation that those without. The researchers claim that the “very, very strong” odour has no impact on the taste of the legumes… still, you’d probably want to give ‘em a rinse before tucking in.
The Pocket Polymath: providing practical tips on urine utilisation since 2025.
The question on nobody’s everybody’s lips…
Yes of course, one of the answers to that question is ‘because particles have gone up our nostrils’ – this pleasing little animation explains the full process – but did you know sneezes can also be caused by having a full stomach, bright lights, or having sexual thoughts?
It also offers tips on how you can – should you wish to – sneeze more quietly. Personally, I’d go for it like the woman in this article, who says rather defensively, “Men sneeze loudly all the time in viral videos on TikTok.” DAD SNEEZES FOR ALL.
Word of the week
ANATIDEAPHOBIA
/an-uh-TAY-dee-phoh-bee-uh/ [From the Greek word ‘anatidae’, meaning ‘swan, ducks, or geese’, and ‘phobos’, meaning fear]:
The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you
In case you’re wondering: no, it’s not officially recognised as an official disorder. It was made up by Gary Larson, the creator of the comic The Far Side… but 13/10 for word invention, I say.
And finally…
Anyone else misread this headline?
